A Grand Fkn Time. 

Why can’t I write?!

I cannot think. It’s like I’m constipated. In the brains. Brainstipation. 

This enrages me. I’ve been writing since I could talk. They actually gave me the journal so I’d stfu. No joke. 

So I know how to fucking write!

….ok. Then that’s not the real problem then is it hmm…

Now that ya mention it, I haven’t been able to create at all lately. Not for fun. Not on a personal level. 

I’ve wanted to. I even have a bunch of things I know I wanna make and I’m excited to make them except…I don’t. 

Wtf why not?!

Well…I did challenge myself to be honest…

Like all the way honest and there’s just nothing more honest than art. 

If I’m honest there it’s like posting a nude, ok. It’s worse. 

It’s me

And I’ve always been wrong. My whole life everything about me I just…breathed. 

So being me isn’t something I like to do. Or talk about. 

But lately if I feel like I’m supposed to do something, I have to do it. Have to. If I fight it’s just misery for me anyway. I think maybe I’m just fighting now. 

So. 

I made the featured image for this post in a design app. It’s a start. 

E. 

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22 thoughts on “A Grand Fkn Time. 

  1. Fuck, I can relate to this. So often I crave to crack open the laptop, ignore everything and everyone and just write. But the amount I actually get to do it is so depressingly little. There’s just not the space to get the solitude I require. Then there are those times I DO get the solitude and suddenly my brain rebels and says ‘you don’t want to write, you want to play on your PS4’. I hate that!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s tough right?! So frustrating. But maybe words and all art really come when they come. Like the Muses thing I guess. So if I can’t write or paint or create I guess that means it’s not time for that.
      Also…I truly believe gaming (and other “pointless” fun) is crucial to life. Sanity man. Food for your soul or whatever I’ve got a ton of excuses if you ever need em lol. Your brain might say “PS4!” But your intuition is saying “I need to chill” 😜

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You just earned points on a grand scale. I’ve never even thought of it like that and it makes so much sense because even when I’m not physically working on my writing I’m mentally working on it all the time so you’re probably right. My brain is in fact telling me to stop thinking so much and go kill Templars on Assassin’s Creed. A bit of down time for the old noggin. I reckon I’ll give up feeling so guilty about it from henceforth.
        I think you’re right on it being the right time to create too, but then I’ve allowed that to go too far in the past too and use it as an excuse not to create. I gave up with that excuse just over a year ago and made myself start creating again. Within a couple of days it wasn’t even a chore anymore

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Aw wow I am honored (: Def don’t feel guilty about a lil fun sometimes. Have you seen The Little Prince? The new animated one it’s on Netflix and it’s awesome imo. Forgetting fun is dangerous basically lol.
        Oh yup momentum is definitely a thing and getting stuck in a lazy rut is easy if you’re not careful. It’s that balance thing again. Go kill some templars or whatever they’re doing with AC these days lol. I’m gonna find some fun too 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You definitely need some downtime for your brain. Some people forget that. Then they wonder why they get ill all the time or whatever. You need to find a balance and strike it like it’s hot. Work, rest and play are as important as one another. Too much of one and not enough of the other is just asking for trouble.
        It’ll always be Assassin’s vs Templars. I really liked Assassin’s Creed Rogue where you actually play as a Templar. That shit was fun

        Liked by 1 person

      4. It is the game by which I judge all games forever. lol you can probably get it cheap if you get the Xbox 360 version. But I getcha…find it real hard to do anything anyone recommends even if I really wanna do it too. Rebellious much? :p

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I’ve been judging all games against Super Mario Kart since about 1993. Haha. I posted about some of my favourite games a few months ago. I’d drop the link, but it seems like too much effort hunting it down right now. Haha.
        I do seem to have to swallow an awful lot of pride to do/try anything that people suggest. I don’t understand why. I don’t know if it’s rebellious or straight up stubbornness

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Dunno what that means lol. I do know that if you get a newer Nintendo (wii or whatever) you can go to their App Store and buy old games there and play em but…also not cheap. ):

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The way I see it is if you HAVE to do something in a set timeframe, that is a chore on a list and not a fun creative process. You can force it to get done but you can’t force it to be good, fun or worthwhile. And for me it’s the same with games. I can’t relax with a timer up in the corner and assets on the line, but give me an open world and a weapon and I’ll have a grand fucking time relaxing myself right to sleep.

    You know how long it took you to sway me on the game concept, and after seeing Paul accept it so quickly I have to assume that my personality is to blame. I run hard and feel uneasy if I’m not pushing some bar forward. But you are right, as usual. The pointlessness of frivolous activity IS the point.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well said sir! Yeah it’s hard…lots of pressure on grown ups to “be essential”. But I did that once and well you know…my brains broke. Go play skyrim I miss the sound track. Xoxo ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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