Dear Corporasaurus,

I couldn’t decide what pissed me off the most or which of you were the worst so I decided to write to the Almighty Corporasaurus (that’s you!) about all of it. 

* Your products have gone down in quality yet up in price. Fk off with that we’re not dumb. We know that this extra revenue doesn’t go to your employees (many of us are employed by one Saurus or another), and it clearly doesn’t go into the materials for your products so don’t be an ass. 

* Your customer service sucks! Customer Service is not just another department on your payroll it’s the standard of treatment your company gives to the people who pay you. So I’ll appeal to your greed and say call it an investment. Don’t screw us on returns or fine print or any of that crap. You shouldn’t need to be bribed into treating people like humans, but you do. We’re not dumb and you are replaceable. Don’t be an ass. 

* Stop lying! 

* Remember…you work for us. Even if we work for you, when we buy your shit, you are working for us. This goes for those who sell services as well, even doctors ffs. As far as I understand, money buys things or it hires people to do things and the spender of said cash is the owner then of said things or people while in their hire. So don’t get an attitude with me if you were lucky enough to get my hard earned dough. Ever. Without us you don’t exist. Remember this. Celebs, this ones for you too ya brats. So don’t be an ass. 

* If you’re an app/game developer, stop it already with this subscription shit! Unless you provide a service, a very good service (Spotify or Hulu for example), you’ve got some balls even thinkin about asking us to pay yet another monthly bill. You can fk right off asking me to pay $34 a month for a digital coloring book! You cat to be kitten me…and as for your “free trials” if they’re really free then you don’t need my credit card. We’re not dumb. Make us want it. Be good enough. Don’t make a stupid product then trick us into paying for it. We’re not dumb. Don’t be an ass. 

Here’s what you can do. 

Be human. Remember to treat other people like humans. Remember how fkn frustrated you got the last time you went to the mall and were offered 20 different credit cards from 10 very nervous employees (because it’s never just the one time) when all you wanted was to pay and go home. Remember how pissed you were when you ordered something and it arrived late, carelessly, shitty, or all three. Remember the call you made imediately upon receiving this horror and the rant you unleashed on the unfortunate customer service rep who answered you. 

You’re the one who deserves a few rants, but shit rolls downhill. Here I’ve tried to alter the laws of physics and reality to rant at the one doing all the shitting. 

Don’t be an ass. 
Rant over (for now). 



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