December 13th

It’s my birthday. 

Kinda. 

I was born once, 32 years ago, and I’d like to say both my parents failed to attend (bc that’s funnier) but I guess mom had to be there. He was not, ofc. But he did name me…I really wanna tell you what it was but I can’t. I had it too long and you’ll google/facebook search me bc you’re human and you have to. I get that. So I can’t say the name but I can say it was terrible. A joke actually. He didn’t stick around long enough to tell me the punchline so the whole thing was meaningless to me. I hated it. 

I was teased mercilessly in school for it. 

It literally meant nothing

I was nothing. 

18 months ago I hit a major turning point in my life. During this event (to be documented here at another time) I was in Tennessee visiting my sister. When I finally made it home my amazing Hub called me Bella. And said, with much certainty, “That’s your real name.” 

And I knew it was true. 

I accepted it as is, personally. Who wants to go through the time, trouble, and cash to legally change a name when it really only counts in your heart?

Hub, that’s who. 

Did it all on his own, too, the spunky thing. If he’s on a mission folks just get out of the way and let him work…

Today I stood before a judge and made it official. I even got a certificate which I immediately adopted as my birth certificate. This is me. The real me. 

Names matter. They just do. People are always saying shit is important…bees, debates, the ozone…but the little things are overlooked in our culture I think. 

Live on purpose. Think. Go slow. 

Like the guy that rides your ass in traffic on the way home from work, ignore the asshole. (The asshole metaphor referring to pointless stress the world tries to press on you…get me?) 

But I digress…I was born today. Tomorrow I can use this as an excuse for saying something stupid! And I will say something stupid. You’ll see. 

The judge asks you why you want to change your name when you stand up there petitioning. I told her my parents were addicts and my name was a joke between them. I am not a joke, I said. And when she saw I couldn’t speak, she spoke for me…

“A fresh start then. You are remaking yourself?”

I nodded. “Yes ma’am.”

And she signed the paper. 

Thus, I was born. The love and dedication of my husband plus the kindness of a random judge on a Tuesday. That’s my new birth story. Hub took pictures but…nope. Use your imagination. 

It was a great day. We had the kiddos with us because we didn’t know if we’d be home in time for their bus to arrive. They were angels considering all we did today was wait, walk to another room and wait, wait some more, drive, wait…

But it was still a great day. 

I finally beat that one boss in hearthstone, too. 

That girl that accidentally happened to those messed up ppl 32 years ago is dead. Dead. I’ll never forget her or the things she taught me but…you will never see her again. 

What you see here is the real me. Some of it anyway…humans are so beautifully complex. 

Happy birthday, me. 

Go live. 


E.

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26 thoughts on “December 13th

  1. Beautiful. Our names do shape us in a way. I’ve always hated mine. It’s usually used as a man’s name and is also similar to the dog’s name on the Flintstone’s. Yeah, school was awesome. Add the fact that I was overweight, wore glasses, and didn’t have the greatest skin, and you get the perfect storm. Most people close to me call me D, Day, or because it’s R.I. Daner. We put an a at the end of anything with an er at the end and er at the end of anything with an a at the end. lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha ok hmm…aw I like Day…you seem like a Willow to me lol. I love that name. Or London? I didn’t have daughters but I did have names for em! Do you know what your name means? My original name was some kinda tree and was also a mans name! lol fk school…most of those girls got fat no worries. I saw em at the bar last yr and holy shit you woulda laughed…
      lol xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. lol I forget what my first name means. I know it’s Scandinavian. I’ve been so excited about my mom’s maiden name that I didn’t care about mine. I traced her ancestors and last name back to when the Vikings invaded parts of Ireland, specifically where her family was from. Her maiden name translates to both “dark stranger” and “evil stranger” which now explains so much about that side of the family and my obsession with the show Vikings. Now I’m really laughing to myself and scaring my Chihuahua.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I love everything about this comment haha! I traced my family too! Ancestry.com? Never thought to look up the meaning of last names I’m gonna do that asap pronto thx!
        Also Vikings is the shit. Ragnar…I wanna be his first wife she is badass af. She played Ann Boleyn in tudors. I like shows with pretty boys…dude what’s the chihuahuas name?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Okay, don’t laugh too much but it’s Dutchmister in honor of Lemmy Kilmister who had just passed away but I call him Dutchie for short. There are pics of him on Instagram too! The only dog I’ve ever had that wraps his front legs around your neck and hugs you! My last Chihuahua did a walking handstand while peeing. Great dogs. lol

        Liked by 1 person

      4. lol! Awww! I actually love it! That’s so sweet haha. Always wanted one of those little guys or maybe a wiener dog…rofl I wanna ask how that handstand piss worked out for him but I guess I can imagine 😂 too cute

        Like

      5. I hear ya. They do get into your heart place…can’t imagine my life without Gus. That cat has licked tears off my face in the midst of a panic attack…a few times. Animals are my second fav kind of ppl. Xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Chihuahuas are the best animal for people with Bipolar. Not many know that. They are over sensitive to how a human is feeling. Pookie (the handstand peeing one) would run as fast as he could from another room to lick my tears. Which was nice but he did eat poop.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. I can deal with the eating of poo (if one happens to be dog) but I never knew that about chihuahuas! I gotta tell The Hub bc you just prescribed one for me and well…guess I better get one now. Drs orders xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

      8. The long haired ones are my favorite even though I still love Dutchie. It’s impossible to adopt at rescues and shelters anymore. Where I live each place wanted up to $600, did a background check and wanted to inspect your home.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Wow! Yeah shelters have gotten weird tho if it’s cats you want they’re literally buy one get one here. Sad. I know I’ll have to save up but anything that helps with the mental…plus I miss dogs in my life. Love that name Dutchie xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Maybe they feel like that’s one more lvl of protection they can give before they send em out in the world again but I’d have never been able to afford Gus at that price yikes.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Bella, Happy Birthday!

    I read (somewhere, recently, sorry I don’t remember specifics) about a culture where the name you are given at birth is not considered your “real” name because you don’t find that out until later in life when you have become who you are.

    Liked by 1 person

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